“The 75%-25% Relationship Rule”
What do you think is the purpose of each of our lives? Have you thought about it or do you go about what you’re doing, just doing? From where I sit I believe the most vital pieces are learning our own source of power, our self value and our intrinsic ability to love deeply. Our greatest source of wisdom, learning and joy come from our relationships and all our loves, in all their guises, disguises, and get-ups. The reason is we have the greatest capacity for growth, awareness and self reflection via the relationships avenue. Earth is a wild cacophony of giddy love rushes and crushing heart aches, all with a greater purpose: to expand our awareness.We all desire heart connections, even those seeking quick fixes and sexual rushes, deep down desire to be valued for their inner beings, their hearts, their souls. That’s why we signed up for this E-ticket ride; to love and be loved. But honestly we really get it screwed-up (literally) a lot. Just look, I mean 100% at your own experiences. What was it that drove you in each connection? Each love interest? Lust? Conquest? Power? Validation you’re a good person worthy of love? True heart connection? Family pressure? Safety? Outward appearances? We stay, we move on. Each connection having laid a frequency stamp in our bodies, in our hearts and in our thoughts that impacts the next relationship. (And sexually - each person you’ve ever had a sexual exchange leaves not only an emotional imprint but also a physical one in your body. Makes one be a bit smarter in their choices because you may not want “that” energy with you a lifetime. Just sayin.’)When we do click with someone, it’s the good 75/25 rule. 75% works between the smitten individuals at the beginning and basically continues if nurtured. It can grow to 80-85% in time if both parties are willing to expand and experience and value the other. The 25% is the learning curve, what doesn’t work. The 25% can also take over and diminish the 75% shrinking the positive percentage. That’s the time to say auf wiedersehen, audios, farewell, asta’la pizza. Are they things that can change, be overlooked or are they eventually so detrimental the relationship crumbles? This sounds cynical however it’s actually not. It’s what we agree to prior to relationship connections. They are our soul contracts to better our frequencies and soul vibrations. As remember everything is frequency. This applies to all relationships whether they are love connections, work related, whatever. The ones we have zing with are our contracts. You know the ones you can’t live with or without? Contracts.The 25% is our soul guiding us to greater clarity of what we desire or don’t. Options are we can either give into the 25% allowing ourselves to be caught in the dramas, become resentful and angry, or we can compromise too much trying to manage a sinking ship. We hang on often times due to external pressures instead of being true to ourselves. The next element is we can learn to see past the 25% mitigating their negative influences into our experiences. The 25% is also the place of our greatest growth.
I’ll give you a personal story.I was with a man for three years that was a Duke graduate, handsome, classy, well dressed, an intellect, sharp and savvy, successful, quick witted and funny, a great athlete, kind and compassionate, insightful, and probably knew me better than any man ever has. He was open to ideas, loved me for who I am, was willing to expand his thinking and concepts, surprised me with trips and exciting vacations, bought things he knew I’d love. He wrote me romantic poetry, took me to theater and concerts and we hiked in the summer, skied in the winter. We had the most voracious long conversations regularly that inspired my thinking, much like fuel to a race car. Pretty idyllic. However, I called the wedding off several weeks before it was to happen. Why? The 25%. They were valid and positively impacted my decision.Even with all the emotional, mental and physical elements in place, my 25% took over. I listened and let it steer my strong intuition. In my 25% were these issues. Not many really, but big heavy weights for me. He drank too much. Everyday he’d have several mixed drinks. His father was an alcoholic; not a good lineage. I didn’t want to live with an alcoholic. I’ve never been a big drinker, but I completely stopped in those three years as a mirror hoping for change. He was a smoker. Smoked a half a pack or more a day. He’d had open heart surgery at 16; a recipe just waiting for catastrophe. I gave it three years for a positive shift, long enough to take action. There were also several other factors, one being he was twelve years older; I could see the writing on the wall. Two, for me, he wasn’t driven enough. He was content. I stayed in touch with him through the years and talked to him a week before he died of cancer. My contract was closed. In this case my 25% guided me to my next best adventure. It helped me see past the 75%.My invitation is to examine all the things you love about your relationships and be honest with that 25%. It sheds light on the best and optimal soul direction. Not every relationship is to last. Not all are meant to fall away. Look at what can be minimized and let go and ones that are deal breakers. Listen to your heart. Not everyone’s 25% is identical; what I’ll sweep under the rug is a nail biter for another. And there’s a 25%- nail biting. Or lack of follow through, not doing what you say you’re going to, control, meanness, lack of generosity, bad habits, being close-minded, lack of intellectual curiosity, lack of class, lack of conscious awareness of self, lack of self reflection, unwillingness to change and grow.....etc etc etc. The 25% adds very clear contrast on what we don’t want, shedding light on their opposites; the attributes we really desire.
The happiest relationships are the ones where each person is valued and respected, where the give and take is equal, the learning and expansion balanced, each being a good mirror for the other. Each partner brings emotional weight for the offering; “What can I do for you today?” The individuals help the other to become more of who they are, to be their greatest potential. They’re also where the open lines of communication clear the path for the most incredible life adventures. Then the 75% moves to the finish line, obliterating the 25%. To love. Cosmic sunshine to you. candiasanders.com